Wesak Whoopee

Once is eyebrow-raising, twice is coincidence but three times is downright creepy.

I'm talking about having sex on and around Wesak Day.

Alright, my record is...spotty to say the least. I'm so far from being sexual that when straight friends ask me how gay foreplay is like, I tell them to watch footballers after they've scored a goal. My record stands not-so-proudly, at roughly 17 months of celibacy, not counting the first 21 years of life.

And yet, it's freakishly coincidental that I always manage to have sex around Wesak Day, the holiest of days for Buddhists, which I count myself as a staunch follower. I'm not talking weeks before or weeks after, it's usually on the day itself or the day after!

In 2002, it was with M***, on his parent's bed. Lesson no. 1: DO NOT SLEEP WITH MEN WHO AREN'T OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX IN THEIR OWN BEDROOMS.

In 2003, it was with J*****, on his grotty mattress in his prison-cell of a room. Lesson no. 2: DO NOT SLEEP WITH MEN WHO DON'T HAVE AN ACTUAL BED (and no, passing it off as a futon doesn't count)

In 2004, it was Mdm Palme and her five sisters. Lesson no. 3: DO NOT GET INTO A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP IF YOU WISH TO HAVE A HEALTHY, ACTIVE SEX LIFE (without the guilt of cheating on him, of course).

And now in 2005...S***. Just sex, but in terms of physical attributes he beats them all with a big, ugly stick. No lesson learnt yet, may need another session...

Still, it is scary. Is Somebody trying to tell me Something?